He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
