I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
