This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize