The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
