My hair reeks of homosexuality.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How's work?
Spinning.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
