I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
