She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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