just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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