I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
