if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
