TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
