i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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