I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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