Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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