I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Let's paint friendship bongs
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They took my balls.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
