Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
