According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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