Already got asked if we're dating
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize