I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
