well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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