everyone is single if you try hard enough
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
