JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i think i just lost a toe
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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