i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
