I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
