I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I know her cup size but not her name....
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