someone get that fucking seahorse.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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