Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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