she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
