Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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