There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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