I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize