Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
