If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
