I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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