That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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