I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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