I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
