We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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