so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize