saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
