in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
