This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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