Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
