I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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