I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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