he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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