Someone shit on the floor
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
