The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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