we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
