PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
