he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
