this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
