OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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