gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
