so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
