I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
