i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
