Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
