I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
