also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
bring money and cleavage
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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