I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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