Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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