i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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